Congratulations to all of the Secret Contest winners and a warmhearted thank you to everyone who entered!Â
For those of you who are not subscribers to my annual newsletter, The Guidara Gazette, The Secret Contest is an end-of-the-year contest thatâs exclusively held for my newsletter subscribers.
This year the Secret Contest was: Amber Unveiled
Each entrant submitted the most original interview question that they could think of directed to yours truly. Professional writers and editors for the entertainment industry then chose five winning interview questions. The winning questions were then presented to me for reply via this monthâs blog. Each of the winning interview questions is expected to âlead Amber to an honest, emotional, intellectually creative unveiling.â Letâs see how I do:
Winning Question #1
Submitted by Mark Goldstein: PHOTO UNAVAILABLE âIf you were Eve in the Garden of Eden and you and Adam had not yet taken a bite from the tree of knowledge what subjects would you talk about with Adam?â
EXT. THE GARDEN OF EDEN. EARLY AFTERNOON.
We open with Eve, nude and alert. She is just waking up from a nap and has flowers in her hair. Adam is nearby, gathering fallen branches and twigs.
Are you excited?! Letâs explore the garden some more!!
Youâre always excited! Sometimes I wonder if youâre just too curious about everything.
You can never be too curious!
Sure you can. Even God warned us about gaining too much knowledge. Itâs bad to be too curious.
Are you talking about that silly apple tree again?!
Exactly. So donât go getting any funny ideas.
Ooo… I bet those apples are really sweet and juicy!
(smiling and points to his penis)
Remember when you thought I was being too curious about âthatâ!
Yes, but âthatâ is different.Â You can be curious all you want to about it.
God never warned us about this and so âthatâ is good!
Eve takes his words as an invitation to play with him again… and we all know âgoodâ wasnât the last word.
Winning Question #2
Submitted by Patrick Kranglin:
âYouâre working as a cashier at Walmart and this teenager comes up to you with the following 6 items: adult diapers, a roll of duct tape, wart remover, a single metal hanger, chloroform, and a ClearBlue pregnancy test. What would you tell him?âMy Answer:
I would scan the duct tape, and then as if I were surprised I would say, âOh, itâs you!âÂ Iâm sure he would look at me with a strange expression, possibly ask me, âWho?â in response. I would then scan the metal hanger and the wart remover while very nonchalantly adding, âThe blurry guy in my dream. I thought you would look more menacing… like Leatherface in The Chainsaw Massacre, or something. Last night I had a very odd dream about these items. Poor girl…â Next, I would pick up the pregnancy test and wave it in the air, holleringÂ across the floor to one of the other employees, âCan I get a price check on ClearBlue pregnancy test kit?â I would then pick up the adult diapers, wave them in the air and holler for a price check on those as well. I would look at the boy for maybe a split second, shrug my shoulders and then say, âThe girl died… complications or something. A shame really…â I would ask for some type of ID before scanning the chloroform (casually explaining of course that you need to be a state resident or student to purchase chloroform), and then manually enter the cost of the diapers and the pregnancy test box from the reported price check. I would then tell the teenager what the cost of the items were as I added, âI canât remember whose parents it was or which doctor but if they had known what was happening they could have saved the girl. Some kid who had found her before she died would have been a huge hero, but instead the kid was a coward. Ya know, itâs amazing how getting rid of something as insignificant as a little wart can have such unexpectedly disastrous results when you donât reach out for help.â At this point if the teenager were to actually pay for his items, I would hand him his receipt, silently pray, smile, wish him a very nice day… and then… I would probably call the cops. Â Winning Question #3
Submitted by Ashley Azo: PHOTO UNAVAILABLE âHow, why, and what was the event, person, and/or poignant time in your life that changed or significantly formed your sexual proclivities?â
I was a 16-year-old, petite, tan, blonde, starry eyed, soon-to-be a high school graduate who craved independence. Feisty and moralistic (yet completely uninhibited).Â The only intimate touch I had ever known was my wealthy, Spanish-American, womanizing first boyfriend… who, by the way, was almost four years older than I was and absurdly infected by what is commonly referred to as the âMadonna-Whore Complexâ and I was too sexually innocent to be the âwhoreâ… I believe the word he used to describe his recently deflowered virgin was âboringâ… (Ouch! Be still my fragile ego!). Flash forward two years to the arrival of my bold 18-year-old independence and the inevitably liberating breakup.Â Iâm still haunted by the word âboringâ (itâs a word that I have always been highly allergic to… the word monotony is another one that causes extreme allergic reactions in me, including panic attacks and listless trances).Â Then as destiny would have it, I met a tan, blonde French-American worldly spawn of opulence.Â This one never much cared if you were a guy or a girl, let alone a virgin (or a whore). âWhen the student is ready, the teacher arrives?â ABSOLUTELY! Homework was SO much fun!!
Winning Question #4
Submitted by Elizabeth DâAramitz: PHOTO UNAVAILABLEÂ âWhich piece of clothing in your closet would be able to tell us the most interesting stories about you and which story would be this clothingâs favorite story to reveal?â
You know that familiar phrase, âIfÂ I tell you, Iâll have to kill you.â Perfectly applicable in this situation. Why?
All of the previously most knowledgeable clothes in my closet have been regularly discarded and replaced by the next inspiring ânewâ! (Especially my lingerie for example because I am always wearing at least one sexy piece, whether itâs lounging around the house or slipping femininely-cut silks or lace under severe black business suits). Which favorite story would one of these clothing items have been able tell you? Well, if I told you that story then Iâd have to… go lingerie shopping right now!
Winning Question #5
Submitted by Michael Lane: PHOTO UNAVAILABLE “Tell us your ultimate sexual fantasy and if you have or will ever have it happen.”
First off… my âsexual fantasiesâ are more like âsexual goalsâ as opposed to aimless erotic visions that never take me anywhere. I honestly havenât had a sexual fantasy/goal that I havenât experienced. As far as the âultimateâ fantasy… fantasies become ultimate for me as soon as they occur. Iâve always been a very sexually-fickle person and my sexual desires have always been moody and unpredictable. I can tell you though as far as âultimate fantasyâ goes, the delectable seed of all my sexual goals usually involves a combination of highly sensual elements (nature, controlled temperatures, foods, fabrics, specific sounds and music, etc..) and things that are often considered taboo (I invite your imagination to participate). This was a good question because it reminded me that itâs probably about time to come up with a new sexual goal!
THANK YOU AGAIN TO EVERYONE WHO PARTICIPATED! LIFE IS MUCH MORE FUN BECAUSE OF YOU!
Amber Guidara Copyright Â© 2011
Amber Guidara sends out an annual newsletter that speaks about her latest work, feedback from readers, recent influences, book signings, and also includes, wellâŠ you knowâŠ other stuff! If you would like to receive an annual newsletter please visit the âAmber’s Newsletterâ page on this website and simply enter your email address at the bottom of the page! Itâs that easy!